Are you ok with not knowing your child?
When you’re looking for triggers around what dysregulates your child, *most* parents do not consider “internal world” possibilities - things like memories, cognitive stories/filters, neuroception, and interoception.
AND ALSO - are you ok with the *not knowing* of how your kid “works”?
A while ago, I was grieving that I didn’t *fully know* what parenting held, what parenting was, what parenting would require of me. Lamenting that I made the *most consequential* choice of my life with heavily redacted and revised info.
And a little voice kept saying, is it even possible to fully comprehend parenting?
I’m not saying it’s not possible to give more realistic and complete info about parenting- it *absolutely* is and we absolutely should.
But for many things, especially relationships, it’s impossible to be “fully informed” no matter how hard we try to guess and think our way into this full set of data, this craving for absolute certainty.
Scorpio season invites me to play with duality of needing to get to the absolute bottom of things, needing to find the deepest, most complete truth…AND…
…of navigating in the dark, of accepting that there are chapters unwritten, of forgiving the unknown, of gaining proficiency in the liminal.
Why must we know? What is behind the craving for certainty? In my experience, what usually is behind my desire for more information, is fear. Lack of safety.
And so, for me personally at least, all roads seem to lead back to invitations into building my tolerance for my own fear, and invitations into growing my skill at dancing with fear.
In taking responsibility for my own fear, I liberate my children and loved ones from protecting me.
In learning to be ok with the unknown, I liberate my children and loved ones from always having to explain themselves adequately (to me) and show up in familiar, predictable and safe-to-me ways.
This Scorpio season, my wish is that we begin to understand- and even love- that relating is dangerous and holds no certainty. Parenting is dangerous and holds no certainty. And it’s our job to hold that skillfully, without repression or projection.
Speaking of the inner world of children, if you are interested in learning how to not block your child’s self trust and self connection, INNER COMPASS is launching in 2025 - it’s a course on teaching you how to VITALIZE your child’s inner life fluency and relationship to THEMSELVES.
Comment, email, or DM for more info on INNER COMPASS.
